Life is funny. When I was a kid I was a bit of what we mormons call a molly. I even took it as far as feeling guilty for going over the speed limit. I look back now and really don't have many regrets because I'm the type of person that just likes to do things the best I can and be done with it. Although, I wish I wouldn't have been so hard on myself at times. Annnyway, nowdays, not so much. I once heard about a lady that was too hard on herself and ending up killing herself and that story hit pretty hard on my homefront. So here is my achilles heel, if you will, and I am not quite ready to part with it.
Now, let me explain a little. It's not like one day I woke up and was all, World..*&%(*, *$(%, *@%&(! I blame my kids. Yup. It's totally their fault. I hardly ever swore before them. They came along and BAM! it was over. There goes all my good intentions.
I recently came across an old friend's blog and she mentioned that motherhood is so bipolar. One minute you're all screaming in their faces and the next your kissing said face because they've done something so incredibly wonderfully stupendous that you just can't help but kiss that scrumptious face. I totally agreed with her and realized that the way I deal with the pressure is to let out a good explitive every now and again. And you know what? It feels GOOOOOD. Really. Like I'm justified in feeling overwhelmed at that moment and someone is allowing me to release a bit of the unfairness of the moment.
I am not naive enough to think that no one else does this but I also know that there are many many stronger parents than I that don't have to resort to such things and to them I tip my proverbial hat and say 'Way to go pardner!!' Because damnit, it feels too good not to do.